Werewolf Bites
by Oibara
Summary: Remus can't be with Nymphadora. He fights himself everyday to stay away from what he truly wants. dark, language, sexual situations. Somewhere in HBP, doesn't necessarily follow the storyline. Tonks/Remus.
1. Chapter 1

Title: Werewolf Bites

Summary: Tonks and Remus drama. Like always.

Pairing: Remus/Tonks

Disclaimer: JK Rowling owns Harry Potter.

Warning: T- dark, language, sexual stuff. Somewhere in HBP. Doesn't necessarily follow the storyline. A little OoC.

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This would have been churned out a little earlier if didn't hate me. Document manager has been down for a few hours now, and it fuels my angry writing spirit. Rawr.

I'm considering continuing this piece. I'm not sure though, I'm hoping reviews will tell me 'that's enough, please stop' or 'continue and finish this drama-angst infested story'

Do leave me a review with your opinion, yes?

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_This was it, wasn't it?_

He was staring at the mirror. The scars on his face reflected the monster inside. He needn't wait for a full moon to be a creature of the night. Remus was already one everyday.

"Remus," she whispered. Her hair was brown. Tears slid down her cheeks as she choked out the next few words that caused his heart to break even more.

"Why am I not g-good enough?" she stuttered, almost falling over from pain. He reached down to touch her. She flinched and threw herself back, slamming into the wall. She gasped in pain. The girl's wand fell out of her cloak. He didn't answer. She hit her head on purpose against the wall. He didn't answer.

"You kissed me," Tonks cried, daring not to look at him, "You kissed me and I fell in love with you."

He felt the pain sneak up behind him and shake his bones. Remus' heart raced. He was hoping he was hearing things. _Love_ wasn't something he was allowed to have. Being a werewolf, Remus had always known his place. _Love_ was for happy, normal people. Not brooding, mythical creatures. He stared at her. Tonks drew her knees to her chest and cried harder. He dropped to the floor and put his arms around her. She shook violently. He was at a loss.

_You could lose everything. You have to make her see this won't work._

He released her and thrust Tonks' wand in her face.

"You need to leave," said Remus. His voice was void of emotion. He mentally punched himself in the gut and offered to help her up.

Tonks slowly brought her head up to face him. Her face was red, the tears were drying on her cheek, and she just stared. Her eyes had been a startling blue when she had first entered his apartment; now it was a defeated brown.

"You're a bloody monster!" she screeched as the girl grabbed the wand quickly out of his hand. Instead of disapparating, Tonks ran out of his apartment and slammed the door.

He had fell to the floor seconds later, hands in his face. The werewolf cried silently and crawled to the mirror.

_This is it, isn't it?_

Remus destroyed her. He stared at his ugly reflection. His brown hair was streaked with grey. The grey was starting to win the war. He was so, so tired. Tired of changing every full moon. Tired of disgusting potions. Tired of being. He forced a fake smile at himself in the mirror. James and Lily would kick his ass if he ever voiced these thoughts. These doubts. James would tell him he's being a bloody fool. Lily would tell him to give her a chance. Could he? Remus John Lupin was a monster. A werewolf. Werewolves hurt and bite and scratch and destroy. The words 'hurt' and 'Tonks' didn't fit into a sentence unless Lupin wanted to be angry and strangely hurt.

_Once a monster, always a monster._

Remus John Lupin peered into the mirror. It was almost as if his reflection spoke to him, scolding him like he was a child.

_Go say you're sorry._

He stared at his ugly reflection. Sorry wouldn't fix a damn thing. Sorry would get him deeper into this mess. Remus could almost convince himself he was void of emotion. Almost cover up all those thoughts he shouldn't think. He threw his shaggy professor clothes on a neat pile on the ground and turned to leave the bathroom. As soon as his head hit the pillow he felt horrible dreams suffocating him. A vacuum of black nothing ate him and he woke up hour after hour gasping for breath. This wasn't a good night's sleep after breaking someone's heart. This was waking in a cold sweat, dreaming of werewolves biting innocent bunnies and wishing somehow you didn't taste blood in your mouth. This was imagining her with your face on her chest. This was Tonks' brilliant purple hair that you saw for the last time. This was mousy brown hair that ripped your heart out and punched you in the face. Blood poured from your mouth but she just stared and the only words out of her mouth had been,"Remus, you bloody fool!" When she torn vein by vein out of your still-beating heart, it felt like it was still in there. You could feel every time she tore a little piece out and threw back her head with laughter.

This was waking up and four o'clock in the morning and giving up the fight. Remus staggered into the kitchen and made himself some tea.

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Ahem. Reviews welcome and all that.


	2. Chapter 2

Summary: Tonks and Remus drama. Like always.

Pairing: Remus/Tonks

Disclaimer: JK Rowling owns Harry Potter.

Warning: T- dark, language, sexual stuff. Somewhere in HBP. Doesn't necessarily follow the storyline. A little OoC.

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So, I've decided somehow people liked my little tid-bit enough for me to write more. My first anon review saying I need another chapter? Heck yes.

It will always be in Remus' point of view 'cause I like it like that. Mmm angst. Here's the somewhat anticipated chapter two.

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Falling asleep at five in the morning had consequences. Luckily for Remus, that only meant waking up far later than he had planned. It was two the afternoon when a loud crash in his small kitchen woke him. Throwing on his shabby robes, Lupin stumbled to the kitchen. Wand out.

Remus was completely taken aback when the girl turned around abruptly. Tonks. From the looks of it she'd flooed to his apartment and made a large mess of his kitchen. Remus stared in disbelief that Tonks was here,_ in his house_, after everything that had transpired the night before. She didn't look at him, instead she focused on cleaning her mess. Remus silently thanked Merlin and hid behind the wall. His counter was chipped. The brown haired girl tried various spells to make it look good as new. At least she succeeded.

_What is this girl up to?_

He was being a complete and utter pansy and the worst part was he knew it. Remus was afraid to show himself. Tonks' eyes were still a gloomy brown as was her hair; she wiped dust off her purple robes. She looked extremely tired. Lupin's heart sank into his stomach. He couldn't stand to see her look that way anymore. He wanted to fix her, help her. He wanted-

"Right then," she mumbled to herself.

_She looks cute._ He mentally hit himself._ No. No. No._

She walked out into the dining room. He followed closely behind her. She set a small, white envelope on the table. Tonks stared down at it, blinking furiously. Remus longed to touch her hair. After a few moments she disapparated. Remus immediately emerged from his hiding spot and tore open the letter. The writing was extremely tiny.

Dear Mr. Lupin,

I'm so sorry about last night. It was wrong of me to burst into your apartment. You've told me many times that you do not see me that way and I'm sorry I keep pushing it. I had too many firewhiskies that night so I hope you can forgive me and forget my intrusion.

Sorry for messing up your kitchen, hopefully I've cleaned all the powder.

Goodbye, Remus.

Sincerely,

The note ended abruptly. There was no name. It didn't even sound like Tonks. He fell on his chair and stared at a wall. So finally, after one year of chasing him she had given up. He snorted at her excuse for the night before; they both know she was completely sober. He headed for the kitchen, vaguely aware of where he was. Tonks. If nothing, he was always sure that she was the persistent type. Remus hoped she was the persistent type.

_Oh, Merlin's beard. _

She didn't want an old bloke. She didn't want him anymore. Tonks was moving on with her life, leaving the man that wouldn't love her behind.

One firewhiskey bottle down. He was starting to feel dizzy. Two, the room spun out of control. Three, he passed out.

Remus woke up three hours later and promptly fed the toilet. Remus was almost forty and drowning his sorrows in alcohol did nothing but give him a terrible hangover.

He did what he was trying to do for one year. He felt sick. If this is what Remus wanted, why was he so miserable? It would have taken more than a ton of bricks for Lupin to finally have his epiphany; it took three bottles of firewhiskies and one note from Tonks.

_I love Nymphadora Tonks._

Every part that ached with fatigue and sadness longed for Tonks. Lupin imagined kissing her again. She was making the cutest face and Remus found it incredibly hard to resist putting his lips on hers. He held Tonks and kissed her cheek. She had pulled away, admiring him.

"Why, Mr. Lupin," she whispered seductively in his ear,"You're the most attractive werewolf I've ever met!"

Remus tired to block out the next part of the scene. He didn't want to remember it anymore. Lupin hurt her for the hundredth time. He rushed out of the Ministry of Magic and said something he wanted to forget.

_Forget._

Lupin went to bed and the scene replayed in his head. The wonderful kisses, and then....

"_Don't touch me Nymphadora, you stupid girl."_

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Yes, his fireplace is in his kitchen. I dunno, I'm weird! Tehe, cliffhanger!!!111


	3. Chapter 3

Summary: Tonks and Remus drama. Like always.

Pairing: Remus/Tonks

Disclaimer: JK Rowling owns Harry Potter.

Warning: T- dark, language, sexual stuff. Somewhere in HBP. Doesn't necessarily follow the storyline. A little OoC.

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Sorry for the wait, everyone.

I appreciate all the comments!

I'm listening to The Remus Lupins while writing this. Go to their myspace, they are amazing.

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_Tonks' eyes were wide. It seemed like her hair changed instantly from hot pink to a mousy brown. The look in her eyes made him quite sick._

Here he was, nursing a headache and re-playing painful memories. Was Remus always this much of a masochist?

_She stared at him in disbelief._

_"I..." Tonks said slowly, staring at Remus' retreating back._

Remus played the scene in his head a few more times for good measure. He only knew she was staring at him because he chanced a look back at her. Her expression was the absolute worst.

Yes, it did put an unbelievable strain on his heart.

Yes, he felt bloody sick to his stomach.

_Apologize. Apologize._

Remus was past pretending he didn't feel anything for her. The way his heart ached when Lupin remembered everything that had happened in the last year drove him more than crazy. _Apologize._ Why was it so difficult to get out of bed? He pushed himself off his bed and grabbed a quill from his desk.

_Hey, sorry for being a huge prat, but I really do love you, _he wrote.

Pause.

He scribbled it out angrily and threw it into his bedroom's trash bin.

_Hi, I'm the asshole who thought of sending you a love letter after I denied you for almost a year. Would you like some tea? Maybe a shag?_

He took another mental swing. Love letters wouldn't work, this was something that he had to do in person. He had wanted so much to hold Tonks....

Remus slammed him hand so hard on the table that the table had trembled under his weight and cracked. He took a minute to recover, blinking hard. Suddenly, his hand was absolutely throbbing. He bent down to check out the damage. Remus failed to notice the other cracked leg. The table simply collapsed. On his arm.

_OUUUUUUUUUUUCH._

Remus let out an audible cry of pain.

Blood.

It was the only time Remus had ever been violent, but those thoughts had to stop with something. The table in the dining room (if it could be called that) would forgive him. It really wouldn't though and he would need to buy a new one. The only bloody table he's got and he has to smash it. Lupin's hand, however, was furious with him. It bled more than he imagined it would. He rushed to the sink in the kitchen and shoved his hand under the running water. The cold water stung him as Remus watched the blood swirl into the drain.

Remus turned off the water and assessed the damage. It was still bleeding, slowly. A rather long gash had formed, from his little finger to his wrist. It looked as normal as his other bite marks. Remus was about to reach for a paper towel when someone tapped loudly at the door.

Remus Lupin froze completely. The person did not knock again after a few moments. Remus made his way to the door with a horrified expression. Moving to unlock the door, his hand shook when he turned the knob.

_Bugger._

It was an owl.

To his complete surprise, it was Hedwig. At his front door. Knocking like a _normal bloody person_. The snowy owl looked irritated and nipped at his finger when Remus did not take the letter. Remus made a point to stare at the window and turned back to face Hedwig. He could have sworn she rolled her eyes. Taking the letter from her leg, she flew to the table and stared at him.

R

six.

A

Remus stared at the parchment. How eloquent, Arthur. Notes were always sent exactly one week in advance. This meant another Order meeting; one week. People normally went to the meetings. People like Tonks.

Hedwig zoomed out of the room after she nibbled Lupin's hand again.

Blood dripped from his elbow to the ground.

Bloody bird.

----

Today was three day mark after Tonks had stormed out of his apartment. Remus had decided his plan of action; hide in his home until something forced him to go outside. At least, that was what he had decided before the owl. Now that Remus had a meeting to attend, he wasn't so sure if he was strong enough to leave. Lupin found himself strangely thankful for having no job. Then, he remembered being a werewolf. Damn. In the past three days Remus had banned himself from firewhisky, done the laundry, and agonized over Tonks. Mostly the latter. Remus sighed loudly.

Tonks. In four day's time he would be near her. After all that had happened, Remus was still too afraid to owl her back. He had never received a letter back, either.

Remus dropped a teabag in his cup of water.

_I miss her_, he was starting to think, firmly.

_A werewolf in love. You can make her yours._

After sipping some tea he made a face. It was very cold and bland.

Stop thinking about her for a damn minute and make a proper cup of tea.

----

Big day. Remus picked out the worst professor robes he could find. They were so, so shabby. Holey was just an added bonus. His brown hair was in his eyes, grey streaked a few unlucky hairs.

It was five thirty-two.

He was pacing.

It was five thirty-nine and he was still pacing.

_Tonks._

Remus was more than horrified of the scenarios that played in his head. One.

_"Remus, I understand. I love you."_

Right. This fantasy ended up being one of the scariest scenarios. He could never think of any forgiving words she could say. He didn't deserve any of them. Tonks shouldn't have to forgive him. If she felt bad, he would feel worse. Two.

_"I hate you! Die you bloody wanker!"_

More probable, Remus could actually deal with this one. He would calm her down with an apology and tell Tonks to forget the whole thing because he was a git anyways. Three.

_"Leave me alone (mousy brown hair included)."_

Remus John Lupin was a strong man with everything that wasn't Tonks. Hearing these words from her might make him hysteric. He had no plan for number three.

It was five fifty. Remus apparated instantly. He landed in the front room, near the door. Remus nodded to Arther and Molly while scanning the room. Harry, Hermione, and Ron were talking quietly and waved to Lupin when they spotted him. Soon after, they rushed up the stairs together. Lupin sighed, the meetings were lacking without Sirius. _Sirius._ Moony had not thought about him for sometime. Holding Harry back was one of the hardest things Remus had ever done in his life. Watching his last best friend disappear into the veil. Never to return.

"Lupin," called a hushed voice. His heart was in his throat.

"Tonks," he breathed, snapping instantly out of his reverie.

Her hair was mousy brown. With highlights. Her eyes were blue.

_So lovely. _

She looked at him with no expression. He blinked. They were having a stare down.

He opened his mouth to say something, but she beat him there,"What are you doing? The meeting can't start without you. We're all waiting."

Glancing around the room, he realized everyone else had left. Lupin was too absorbed with thoughts of the dead.

Remus looked pained and replied,"Certainly."

Upon entering the room with the very long table, Remus noticed someone who normally did not attend their meetings; Hagrid.

Dumbledore gave Remus a sad smile.

"Remus," he said softly,"I'm glad you could make it."

Lupin did not respond and took a seat away from Tonks. She didn't seem to notice.

----

The entire meeting passed painfully slow. Hagrid was drinking heavily in secret. What he thought was secret was obvious to anyone in the room. Remus had the misfortune of sitting right next to the half-giant, who wobbled dangerously in his chair. Lupin glanced at Snape while he staring at Hagrid with absolute loathing. Hagrid flailed his arms at the words 'kill,' 'Azkaban,' and 'Harry' having misheard the conversation completely.

"We must kill all the Death Eaters first," argued Bill Weasley,"That way Harry will be much safer and it will be easy to track down You-Know-Who. They use killing curses on us with no remorse. I don't think they deserve to be in Azkaban?"

Snape stared at him pointedly and snapped,"'Deserve to be in Azkaban?' Have you ever been to Azkaban, boy? Death would be much less painful. Killing Death Eaters is all well and good, but what about _me. _The Dark Lord will not overlook my survival."

It was then that Remus could not hear anymore of the conversation. Hagrid could have overturned the table, but he chose instead to accidentally whack Lupin.

_Goddamn giant._

Blood poured from his entire right arm. Not only had Hagrid managed to reopen the wound; he made it much, much worse. Remus' arm stung.

Conversation ceased as the group turned to Lupin.

"Please escort Hagrid home, Minerva,"Dumbledore requested.

She gave a curt nod and apparated with a tipsy Hagrid.

"Nymphadora,"Dumbledore called looking at her meaningfully,"Please take Remus into the other room and preform some healing charms, thank you."

Tonks had opened her mouth to protest, Remus was sure of it, but she stood up and wordlessly took Remus' hand. She dragged him into the other room.

She instantly let go of his hand the second they reached the kitchen. Her blonde-tipped brown hair was staring at him. She kept her back turned until she whipped her wand out.

After one very intense stare, she muttered an incantation. The blood disappeared and he felt right as rain.

_Right as rain. I think I might be gay._

"How did you get that?" Tonks asked. Her voice was hollow.

_I smashed my fucking table._

"I fell?" He said with absolute uncertainty.

Tonks stared at him. It took her half a second to have a fit of giggles.

"You. Fell!" She gasped out, clutching her sides.

_Target not convinced. Avoid the part where you couldn't stop thinking about her._

Remus was pleased. She was laughing. Her hair even flipped to a navy blue.

Tonks straightened up and looked at him seriously.

"Remus, please, tell me what happened."

_Remus. Remus._ He was starting to imagine some kind naughty things involving Tonks with little clothing when the words flew out of his mouth at high speed.

"I couldn't stop thinking about you."

Order members rushed out of the meeting room; saying their goodbyes and apparating.

Tonks' face was stuck. Her eyes were a bit wider than normal, her hair was fiery red, and her mouth was parted slightly. Her wand fell out of her hand.

_Five words and she's a statue. Bloody mess, this is._

Molly had stopped to assess the situation and walked over to Tonks. Remus was stuck in an eye lock with Tonks. His peripherals worked quite well, thank you. He couldn't look away either, and by Merlin he was trying. Her nose was tiny.

"Dear. _Dear_," called Molly to the statue of Tonks.

Tonks choked out one word.

"Remus."

Arthur was watching now too, not the type to interfere. Molly turned to Lupin,"Remus dear-"

"Molly." called Arthur impatiently from Remus' side.

"We need to go." Molly cast a longing look at Tonks and an equally longing look at Remus before disapparating.

It seems as though Arthur _was_ the type to interfere. Thank Merlin he had stopped Molly.

Tonks was stepping forward, hesitantly. Remus looked away.

"What happened, Remus. It's not a bite mark." she pleaded.

It was like the wind was knocked out of him.

"I told you." He stated simply. Remus couldn't bare to look at her now.

"You were thinking about me?" Tonks whispered. He turned to look at her. He couldn't look away. She was much closer than he had anticipated.

"More like I couldn't stop. I... I don't even know what to say to you."

She burst into tears.

The wolf inside him cried too.

"It took me saying I don't care for you to care? You stupid wanker!" Tonks wailed, punching his chest so lightly it was more like she was gently touching him every other second.

Remus was at a definite loss for words. He did the only thin he could; wrap his arms around her tiny body. She sobbed on his holey clothes, apparently not caring.

_Happy. _Besides the fact she was crying, Remus was very _happy._

"Tonks," He whispered through her tears,"I'm sorry."

Tonks cried harder. _Why don't you make the girl feel worse?_

He held her until the tears stopped. They were staring at each other, neither moved. They just simply stared.

Tonks' hair was a deep purple and her eyes changed to match. She uttered his name one last time before connecting their mouths as one.

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I wasn't sure how people make tea. I've never had any in my life so I went with the tea-bag-in-water route.

Writing this, I really wanted to have Sirius live. It'd make it too easy though.

This one is so long! I was about to cut it off before the meeting, but I thought of all the people I'd disappoint. (SORRYFORTHEWAIT)


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